


Wanting That Part of You

by MarzgaPerez



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Healing, Implied/Referenced Torture, Past Sexual Abuse, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-03-27 07:18:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13875933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarzgaPerez/pseuds/MarzgaPerez
Summary: Post-canon(esque) after Katniss and Peeta reunite and are living together under the same roof in District 12. Other than Haymitch, they’re the only two people around, and so, it makes sense to take their time getting reacquainted.Katniss is ready to take their physical relationship to the next level, but Peeta reveals more about the torture he endured while they were apart.I’m attempting to write this with some sensitivity/realism for both sides.





	1. Chapter 1

_They did things to me in the Capitol. Things to keep me from ever wanting to be with you...intimately._

Now she knew why Peeta was comfortable with them still having separate rooms, insisting time and time again that they ease back into a physical relationship. Katniss wasn’t in any kind of a rush, but she did find herself, after a few months of living together and loving him as much as she did, beginning to fantasize about Peeta in ways she hadn’t before. She wanted to know him in _that_ way.

It was sooner than she had expected when these feelings of longing overtook her, and she was at a loss about how to expend them in a healthy way. Exerting herself physically through running or hiking or spending extra time in the woods hunting was never sufficient. She was almost desperate enough to ask Haymitch for advice but knew that he’d let something slip in front of Peeta and set them back even further.

The answer was obvious, but Katniss had tried to avoid it due to a general fear, or perhaps shame, since any sort of self-gratification had been largely frowned upon her entire life. Proper girls, even those from the Seam, didn’t engage in such behavior. Besides, she didn’t want Peeta to find out and feel lesser for not being able to be with her yet.

It was the relentless desire to be touched by him that led Katniss to throw off the covers one night and slowly move her fingers beneath the soft elastic of her underclothes. Truth be told, she had done this a handful of times before, mostly after the first Games when she began having feelings for Peeta. Back then, she would have attributed her actions to needing a release, not ready to admit to herself that she needed him.

The cool breeze from the open window touched down on her skin. Peeta was in the room next to hers, also sleeping with the windows open. His steady breathing filled the silent space in the darkness and allowed her to easily feel his presence in the room. She let her fingertips travel gently between her legs and into her own warm crevices, encouraged by the slickness she came upon already, just from imagining Peeta lying naked beside her, staring adoringly at her body, patchwork skin and all, his fingers tracing every scar tenderly, his lips trailing right behind, leaving soft wet kisses on her neck and then further down, his teeth tugging at the laces on the front of her nightgown. Or maybe he would just rip the whole thing off, his eyes mesmerized by her bare breasts and then his mouth succumbing to temptation as he’d slowly lap each nipple with his tongue. Back and forth. Again and again.

_Oh! Oh_...she’d found a gentle rhythm over her nub that was almost perfection. Katniss bit into her bottom lip, trying to quiet her panting and stifle her moans but to no avail. If only she could move her hands away from her aroused body long enough to pull a pillow down over her face.

She knew it wouldn’t be much longer, her fingers working furiously as her back arched with her shoulder blades lifting her up from the bed. Her eyes fluttered open just briefly, and then she realized that Peeta was standing in her doorway, mouth agape. It seemed as though he wanted to turn away, feeling like he had interrupted a private moment.

She stopped what she was doing and reluctantly pulled her hand out from between her legs. “Peeta, I can explain...”

“No, I didn’t mean to intrude. You have every right to do... _that_. Anyway, I heard you making sounds and thought you were having a nightmare, so I came to stay with you...”

“Don’t go. Please.”

“Katniss, I can’t...”

“But you were watching me, weren’t you? And I was thinking about you. Were you uncomfortable?”

“No, not entirely...”

“So will you stay while I finish? You know, pretend that I didn’t see you there?”

Peeta looked down at his feet. She was sure he was about to leave when he met her gaze. “Alright.”

“If it’s too soon...”

“No. Continue. I can leave if I need to...”

Katniss was relieved and at the same time, felt pressure to perform. Now she was even more turned on and wondering if she should add anything to her performance for effect - maybe take her nightgown off.

In the end, she decided to finish what she’d started in the way in which he’d stumbled upon her. No need for theatrics at this point. Besides, now he really was with her and only a few feet away.

She returned her fingers to her wet folds and quickly found the motion that had brought her close to climaxing before. Instead of caressing her breasts over top of her gown, she pulled at the laces until they came apart and slipped her fingers over her nipples, feeling them stiffen as she passed over each one.

Katniss was imagining that Peeta had not only interrupted her pleasuring herself but that he had joined her, pushing her hand away from between her legs and yanking her panties off. His fingers were now in control, working deftly over her nub until her body began to shake uncontrollably, and she could only see the color black with streaks of light bursting behind her eyelids. Katniss cried out again and again, whispering his name with the final sound that escaped from her lips.

After she was certain that she was finished, Katniss opened her eyes and raised herself up slightly, looking hopefully towards the door frame of her room. But Peeta was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

She’d collected herself and headed straight for his room, finding the door open and Peeta laying in his bed, staring towards the window.

“Go away.”

“Peeta...”

“Just go.”

His voice was oddly stern, and Katniss decided to return to her room. It was impossible for her to sleep that night, wondering if she’d triggered a memory of something horrible that had happened while he was being tortured in the Capitol. Because of her.

She eventually fell into a restless sleep and a few hours later, awoke to a familiar scent - that of fresh bread - and a familiar sound - that of Haymitch chattering away while clanging silverware against his breakfast dishes. After throwing on some clothes and splashing water on her face, Katniss went downstairs to join them.

“Morning. Nice to see you, Haymitch.”

“Well, someone decided to get her beauty rest.” Haymitch was sprawled out in his chair, gulping down a cup of coffee - probably mixed with something else - while Peeta tended to the dishes, his back towards them. He mumbled something that sounded like “Good morning” but did not turn around to acknowledge her.

Katniss thought it best to go out for a run, lest Haymitch get wind of the tension between her and Peeta and try to get to the bottom of it.

“I’ll be back later.” She grabbed her running shoes and was out the door before Haymitch could utter any more witty remarks but not before she caught a glimpse of Peeta watching her leave. Was that disappointment or relief that she read in his expression? No matter. She knew he needed some space, and maybe she did too.

With her shoes laced tight, Katniss sprinted towards the Meadow at full force, following the makeshift trail that she and Peeta had been clearing. When the path ended and turned back into grass, Katniss kept going, determined not to stop until she could rid herself of the feeling that she had done something terribly wrong. A few minutes later, her vision was blurred with tears, and she stumbled over the root of a tree, tumbling to the ground and tearing a hole in the knee of her sweatpants. She quickly assessed the rest of the damage - only a few scrapes on the palms of her hands.

“I’m okay.” She picked herself up from the ground, brushing the dirt from her clothes and immediately regretting how quickly she’d left the house without bringing some water along. Then she scolded herself, remembering what actual thirst felt like. _This is nothing compared to the Games._

Katniss wandered further into the woods until she came upon a familiar patch of honey-suckle vines, pulling away several of the cream colored flowers and releasing tiny drops of sweetness into her mouth. It wasn’t much, but it would do for the time being.

After she had depleted the nectar from most of the buds, Katniss decided to return home and face Peeta. She knew that maybe she'd rushed things, although she was perfectly within her rights to feel what she needed to feel and do what needed to be done.

As she came out of the woods, Katniss spotted him at the edge of their trail. Peeta had a picnic basket in one hand and was waving at her with the other. She breathed a sigh of relief, her heart fluttering at the sight of him, and as best as she could tell, he bore a look of concern for her well-being. Returning his greeting, she quickened her pace to reach him.

“Hi there. Guess you knew where to find me.” She smiled warmly at him, hoping he might do the same.

“I figured you’d be hungry. Made you a sandwich.” Peeta remained solemn, but his voice had a twinge of kindness.

“Thanks. Are you alright?”

He averted his eyes, kicking at the dirt in front of him. “I don’t know. Can we talk?”

<><><><><><><><>

They’d strolled over to the lake and found a comfortable spot on the mossy bank where they sat silently, side by side, watching the wind make small ripples in the water.

Peeta finally spoke. “I just want to be normal again.”

 _Normal._ They had agreed awhile ago never to use that word, but she let it slide.

“Peeta. I was wrong to push things too fast.”

He sighed and then moved his fingers to rest on top of her hand. It was the first physical contact they’d had since they day before.

“No, you weren’t. I want to touch you...and make you feel _that_ way.”

“You will. In time.”

“And I want to tell you what they did to me, but if I do...I’m afraid I’ll regress. I can’t go back there.”

“You don’t have to.” As far as Katniss was concerned, she could conceal her urges if it would make things better for him. After all, Peeta didn’t shy away from kissing her or hugging her, so she wasn’t starved for affection.

“Katniss...can I ask you a few questions about before?”

“Of course. If you’re sure you want to...”

“Okay. Real or not real? You and Gale had sex.”

“Not real.”

“You and Finnick?”

“Not real.”

“I knew that. Maybe even then...when they made me listen to the recordings of you...with them. It must have been like the jabberjays in the arena, and they’d managed to distort your voices.”

Katniss cringed. “What they did to you, it’s just...”

“They wanted me to hate you. When I told them it wasn’t your voice, they produced pictures, the glossy ones, and made me look at the images, told me I had to...do things...to myself. They’d shock me right afterwards.”

Katniss pulled her hands to her face, almost in disbelief. Peeta rarely shared the details of the torture inflicted upon him. She had picked up on a few things from the doctors in District 13 and had imagined some things herself, but never could she have fathomed the level of depravity of his tormentors. Katniss felt her stomach churning, the breakfast she had just consumed threatening to come back up, and she was having trouble catching her breath.

“Calm down. Take a deep breath. Here’s some water.” Peeta was stroking her back and trying to console her as though she was the one recounting the horrors.

“Those sick bastards! I want to make them pay for what they did to you!”

“They’re probably dead and gone by now.”

“I’m such an incredible jerk for not realizing...”

“No, listen to me.” Peeta pulled her against his chest. “Last night, when I heard you making those sounds...they had it all wrong. They weren’t even close.”

“Peeta...did they...hurt you... _there_?”

She could feel his body tensing up. “Not exactly. Not irrevocably, I hope. You helped me last night. I just need to sort some things out. You were beautiful...hearing you...and knowing you want me...that way.”

Katniss lifted her eyes to meet his and then wrapped her arms around him. “I want you in every way, however I can have you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know. Is this too weird? Did I at least get the tags right?


	3. Chapter 3

Even after a few weeks had passed, Katniss was still shaken by what Peeta had shared with her about his time in captivity. Part of her wondered if he hadn’t held back some of the details to protect her. In any event, neither of them had revisited the topic and instead, concentrated on following their usual routines to restore a sense of normalcy.

One afternoon, Peeta and Haymitch went into town to retrieve the monthly supply drop from the Capitol, while Katniss stayed back at the house, cleaning some game from her morning hunt. It was only when she had quiet moments to herself that she’d stop and let herself wallow in all of the heartache they’d suffered.

Her thoughts turned to how she could best help Peeta in his healing process. If her mother was around, would she confide in her about their situation? Maybe. But there were no herbs or remedies that would make this better.

Katniss was bringing the fresh haul of rabbit meat into the kitchen when the phone rang. She wasn’t expecting any calls but answered without hesitation.

“Hello?”

“Why, if it isn’t the Mockingjay. How goes it?”

“Johanna! It’s good to hear your voice.”

“You don’t mean that. Unless you want something.”

“Well, actually...both. But first I’d like to know what you’ve been up to.”

“Oh, you know, hanging around the President’s mansion, wreaking havoc wherever I can. Enobaria got so fed up with my bubbly personality, she went home to District 2.”

“Sounds about right.” Katniss chuckled. “So...can I ask you something personal?”

“Go ahead...”

“Do you ever talk to anyone about your time after the Quarter Quell? When you were being held in the Capitol?”

“You mean, when I was captured in a noble effort to save your life and then tortured until I was completely out of my mind?”

“Yeah...that.”

“Not really. Maybe I should though. Why? Trouble in paradise?”

“Yes...but it’s sort of personal.”

“Well, they fucked Peeta up pretty good. Are you going to tell me what it is?”

Katniss paused, unsure if she should continue, but then decided to confide in her friend. “Um...well...it has to do with us...and being intimate...”

“Uh-huh. Let me guess. He can’t get it up? Do you want me to send you a Jack Rabbit 2000?”

“A _what_? Johanna, they programmed Peeta to loathe me in every way possible. This isn’t a joke.”

“I know, I know. Look, I wish I had a creative solution for you. But I think time is about all you have going for you at this point. Some of the memories from that time are probably starting to fade away. They are for me. But don’t avoid the issue either.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Um...also. You don’t strike me as someone with a lot of experience in the _intimacy_ department. Do you need any pointers?”

“No, thanks. I’ll manage. I’m well-read.”

“Okay. But here’s something. Try to be patient, and hang in there.”

“Thanks, Johanna. Let me know if there’s anything we can do for you.”

“I’d thought about you hosting me for a visit, but maybe I’ll wait until things settle down.”

“Good idea. Stay in touch.”

“Good-bye, Mockingjay.”

“Later, Lumberjack.”

“Funny.”

Katniss greatly appreciated the pep talk, but a visit would definitely have to wait. Johanna was likely to want to counsel them herself.

<><><><><><><><>

In spite of recent events, Katniss was grateful that her nightly routine with Peeta hadn’t changed. After dinner and seeing Haymitch home, they would curl up together on the sofa, reading or watching the news from the Capitol, until one of them started yawning, and the other would suggest going to bed.

Before saying goodnight, they’d meet in the hallway between their rooms for a kiss. Sometimes it was short and sweet and other times, one of them would pull the other closer, refusing to let go right away. More often than not, it had been Katniss who lingered, wanting to stay in Peeta’s arms for as long as possible.

But on this particular night, Peeta surprised her by taking her hand and leading her towards her bedroom. Once she was inside, he paused in the doorway.

“Um, Peeta? What’s going on?”

“I don’t know. I just thought you could...do that thing again...and I could watch you.” He was blushing slightly but continued. “I want to see you. All of you.” On his face was a look of determination and desire that sparked something in Katniss she’d been trying to quiet for the past few weeks. Still, she proceeded with caution.

“Are you sure? What’s changed?”

Peeta took a deep breath before responding. “Well...I’ve been thinking about you...and us, and today, I was talking with Haymitch...”

”Oh?” Katniss steadied her response, not overly thrilled to have Haymitch in the know, but she herself had opened up to Johanna. “What did he say?”

Peeta could easily read her stilted reaction and rubbed her shoulders reassuringly. “Don’t worry. I didn’t tell him about our situation. Actually, Haymitch started talking to me about regret and holding back and how the Games and their aftermath drove him to drinking. Everything he’s let slip through his fingers since keeps him going back to the bottle.”

“Oh, wow. He must really trust you to have shared that.”

”I guess so. Maybe he knew I needed to hear that. Anyway, it helped me realize I can’t waste another minute of our time together. I want you too. More than you’ll ever know.”

She smiled tenderly at him, pulling his hand to her face and resting her cheek in his palm. ”Even with my jagged scars? My body really isn’t much to look at. Maybe if we dim the lights-“

“You’re perfect the way you are. I’m sure of it. Will you take off your nightgown? For me?”

Katniss wasn't feeling very confident all of a sudden. There was even more pressure than the first time, knowing what Peeta had to overcome to be with her. Then she saw the hunger in his eyes, the desire to see her, to know her, even if it was from a safe distance.

She nodded and slowly undid the front of her gown, pulling it over her head. Her breasts were now exposed, and she could hear the breath catch in his throat.

“Will you take off...everything?” He was looking down towards her white cotton panties, biting down on his lower lip, hands clenched at his sides, trying to show restraint.

She obliged his request, tugging on her panties until they were down around her hips and then on the ground at her feet. Peeta sighed, a slight groan escaping him, as he took in every inch of her naked body.

“You’re beautiful, Katniss.”

The way he was watching her, consuming her with his eyes, made her ache for his touch. “Do you want to join me?”

“No.” He shook his head. “But I want you to touch yourself. Everywhere. Make me believe that you want me.”

Maybe this is what he needed, to direct her, to have some control, so she was more than willing to play along. Besides, it was turning her on even more.

Katniss climbed onto the bed, laying down on her back and spreading her legs apart. She let the tips of her fingers dance from her abdomen down to the soft curls surrounding her folds. Parting her lips, she dipped a finger inside her wetness and let out a soft, low moan. Her eyes were glued to Peeta’s as she went to work, swirling the tip of her finger over her nub, rocking her hips rhythmically back and forth. With her other hand, she gently pinched her hardening nipples, crying out at the pleasure building inside of her.

Peeta was entranced by the way she was turned on with just his presence. He was breathing heavily now and pressed against the door frame, the bulge in his pants ever growing. She wondered if he might join in after all.

But a moment later, he seemed to be trying to resist the temptation to do something that he still associated with those dark times. Katniss could see the conflict on his face and wasn’t sure how to keep him in the moment. Then she had an idea.

“Oh, Peeta. More. Just like that. Keep moving your tongue. Faster! Now you’re dipping your tongue into me, tasting me. I think...I think...I’m almost...there...”

He was back with her, watching her writhe around desperately. “Oh...Peeta. Oh...” Her eyes were closed as the wave that had been building inside came crashing down over her. She forced her eyes open to meet his as her entire body began trembling and shaking. Katniss continued touching herself as the last few shudders of pleasure passed through her body. She was not ready for it to be over with, not ready for him to leave her.

“Peeta, will you...stay with me?”

She pulled her glistening fingers out from between her legs, running them over the warm skin of her inner thighs, and patting the empty space next to her. She located her nightgown and pulled it back on.

“We don’t have to do anything. I just want to be close to you.”

He was still standing with his back against the door frame, his eyes darting between her and the hallway. And then back to her hopeful expression.

“Yes. I’ll stay with you.”

As he crawled into the bed next to Katniss and wrapped his arms around her, she could feel his partial erection against her thigh. Peeta cleared his throat and rolled his hips away from her. But that had to be a good sign.


	4. Chapter 4

Haymitch must have let himself in and was demanding their attention from downstairs. “Where’s breakfast? Hello! Is anyone awake?”

Stirring first, Katniss slowly opened her eyes and moved reluctantly from Peeta’s embrace. “I’ll go get the coffee started.”

After throwing on her robe, she leaned in to kiss a still groggy Peeta on the lips. “Thank you for last night.”

He smiled slightly and pulled her back into the bed, her body sinking into his. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Oh, but you did.” Katniss purred back at him, feeling his length pushing into her thigh. She found herself wanting very much to caress him but resisted. “Small steps, right?”

He nodded in agreement as Haymitch began bellowing and rummaging around in their cabinets.

Katniss sighed. “Guess I better go. Don’t be too long.”

“I won’t. Promise.”

Peeta waited until he heard Katniss downstairs grumbling at Haymitch before even thinking about what he might do, what she was probably hoping he could bring himself to do. It was the first time in a long time that he might have, but he still wasn’t ready.

Peeta rolled out of bed and positioned himself on the floor to do pushups - as many as he could until his arms gave out. He was full of anxiety, panic even, which he had been holding inside all night, even as he held Katniss asleep in his arms. Not only was he worried about disappointing her, but more than anything, Peeta was fearful about finding himself trapped back in that place that he never expected to escape.

And then there was the physical reality that he had to confront. It was another stupid twist of irony that the tormentors from the Capitol had inflicted upon him. Did they somehow know about what he did in his room at night while he and Katniss were in the Capitol training for the Games? Both Games. How he had wanted her, fantasized about her. And then using that against him in horrific ways.

Peeta proceeded to the bathroom to take a shower, needing to wash away the burning desire he had for Katniss but the inability to do anything about it...just yet. He shivered as the cold water poured over him, his teeth chattering, though it did the trick to jolt him back to reality.

He dried off and dressed quickly, heading downstairs and then taking a seat at the table.

“Well, look who decided to join the living?”

“Morning, Haymitch. I’m actually curious as to why you’re always up so early." Peeta didn't sound like his usual accommodating self. "And over here?”

Katniss snickered as she took a sip from her coffee. It was rare that she saw Peeta challenge Haymitch, even in a joking manner.

“To get fed, of course. So I’d like to know why there isn’t any hot bread waiting for me. Have you two been busy with something?” Haymitch raised his eyebrows. “Making your own little bun in the oven perhaps?”

It was a fairly innocent comment, though perhaps ill-timed. While Katniss chose to laugh off the remark, Peeta was not at all pleased. He pushed back from the table and stood up abruptly, his chair clattering to the floor while he glared at Haymitch.

“That’s our business! And ours alone.”

Haymitch was stunned to silence, perhaps for the first time in years. He looked to Katniss for help and was considering an apology of some kind when Peeta stormed out of the kitchen and through the front door, slamming it behind him.

“Geez. Guess he didn’t care for my pun.”

“Yeah. It’s complicated.”

<><><><><><><><>

Now it was her turn to find Peeta. One of these days, maybe they’d figure out how to talk through their issues without running out the door, but Katniss understood the need for giving each other room to breathe. Even with just the three of them in District 12 for now, sometimes it felt a little over-crowded.

She found him in the first place she thought to look - the ruins of his family’s bakery. The sounds of him hammering and tinkering with what was left of the ovens echoed through the silent streets. Peeta was certain he could get them partially functional again, but if not, it gave him a special project and a way of remembering his father and his brothers. There were days too when he missed his mother, nostalgic for the rare occasions when she had shown him some kindness.

“Haymitch didn’t mean anything by his comment, you know.”

Peeta grunted in return. He’d probably heard her coming as it was difficult to move throughout the ruins of their city without crunching over debris. They’d buried as many of the corpses they could uncover with help that Gale had sent from District 2.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Peeta grew quiet for a minute and finally ceased his hammering, turning to look her in the eyes. “Real or not real?”

Katniss was holding her breath, unsure of what he might say next. Sometimes this game could be unnerving. ”Shoot.”

“You were pregnant in the arena. During the Quarter Quell. With our child.”

She exhaled. “Not real...because we made it up.”

“Yeah, I think everyone knew that. The men who tortured me wanted me to admit it. I don’t remember if I ever did or not.”

“I’m sorry, Peeta. Another loose end that I left for you to tie up. It never did feel right to have told that lie, but we did it to garner sympathy, hoping they’d cancel the Games.”

There were still a few feet between them, and Peeta motioned for her to come closer and have a seat next to him on what was left of the front steps. Tears we’re welling up in the corners of his eyes. He let her take his hands.

“They taunted me about the baby, Katniss. Said he wasn’t mine, said he was born with hooves, said you had tried to get rid of him because you hated me. They told me I had been given drugs that would make me sterile. They laughed when I couldn’t...when I didn’t...when I stopped...being able to. Said I was truly a mutt since I was no longer a man.”

Katniss felt her blood boiling, her inner rage about to burst from inside, but she stifled her usual expletives. It wouldn’t do either of them any good.

Peeta grimaced at her silence. “Did I share too much?” 

“God, no, Peeta. Thank you for trusting me enough to open up. I know it’s traumatic to have to think about, to relive it, but it helps me to know what you’ve been through. Besides, once you’ve spoken it, you can start to let it go.”

“But what if I can’t give you any children? What if the only child we ever have is the one we made up?”

Katniss leaned over to kiss him tenderly on the cheek, her lips now wet from his fallen tears. “We have to think about right now, and the fact that we have each other. That’s already more than what we thought was possible. You can’t believe anything they told you. Look at how far you’ve come, despite their efforts to break you.”

"You’ve had a part in that.”

"Anyway, I want to see what kind of world we’ve made before I bring children into it. I mean, if that’s okay with you.”

A thin smile made its way across Peeta’s face. “I think I remember you saying that you never wanted children, so it’s progress.”

"Small steps, right?”

”That’s what it takes. So...what about Haymitch? Think I should apologize for earlier?”

”Nah. He needs to be put in his place once in awhile.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more angst before Peeta gets his groove back. Btw, are Peeta and Katniss virgins in Canon? I’m assuming they are.


	5. Chapter 5

It was a few more times now that Peeta had given her the look, and she knew right away what he wanted. Or what he wanted her to do.

And she wanted to figure out how to make him a more active participant and help him overcome what the hijacking had taken from him. It was difficult to watch him deny his urges and instead opt for cold showers.

At least he had laid down next to her when they were most recently together, whispering commands in her ear, driving her even faster to climax. She was certain that he had wanted to touch her, but again, he’d refused when she asked.

Katniss had a few tricks up her sleeve that she hoped might entice him. She’d dug out the wedding dresses from the Capitol and the lingerie that had come along with them. The lacy undergarments were much sexier than her usual, functional garb.

On this particular night, he’d given her the signal, and she’d excused herself long enough to slip something on, before inviting him into her room.

“I want to show you something.” Katniss stood in the middle of the room and pulled her nightgown off, as was customary, but underneath she revealed what she had picked out - a delicate lacy pink bra and matching panties.

Peeta gulped. “W-where did you get those?”

She blushed from head to toe as she felt his eyes scan her body. “What do you think?" She batted her eyes at him demurely, trying to convey how much she wanted him.

He grimaced, stuffing his hands into his pockets and avoiding her gaze.

"Is it too much? I just thought that I could..." Now she was feeling foolish and sat down on the bed, pulling a blanket over her lap.

Peeta willed himself forward and stretched his hands out towards her. "You know...I've dreamed of being with you, like this...for years."

She smiled at this notion, remembering the boy from before who was so careful in his pursuit of her. Katniss placed her hands in his as he slowly pulled her off the bed, wrapping his arms around her and hers encircling his neck. She whispered in his ear. "I want to see you...all of you."   

He paused and then slowly lifted his hand to gently stroke her cheek. “Katniss...like you, I have scars...”

She raised her eyes to him reassuringly, wanting to chase away his fears. “And like you, that won’t change the way I feel about you.”

“Fair enough. But I don’t know if I’m ready.”

She gently kissed his cheek. “I’m here when you are.”

"Thanks. I love you.”

"I love you, too.” Katniss nuzzled his neck. “Remember back in the cave? You wouldn’t let me see you naked then either.”

Peeta thought back to the time from their first Games when he’d been so modest - towards her and all of Panem who was watching. And now Katniss wasn’t looking at him with concern like when she thought he was dying. Now her eyes were filled with lust and desire, her lips trembling with want. She’d been so patient with him, maybe he needed to trust her.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before stepping back and slowly peeling off his t-shirt.

Katniss noted that he was much thinner than he had been in the Games but was starting to regain some of his muscular definition. Her breath caught at the sight of him, and a warm sensation grew within her, knowing that he was willing to take another step forward with her.

“Peeta...can I...kiss you?”

“Y-yes.”

As she brushed against his bare chest, she could hear his heart pounding, wondering if hers was just as loud.

Katniss kissed his mouth, melting into him, and letting her lips wander down his neck and over a few of the scars on his shoulders. Some of his skin was patchy like hers, an iridescent pink that told a similar story of trauma and survival and rebirth. 

His hands were now at his sides, clenched into fists, somehow steadying him. His breathing was becoming more ragged as Katniss lowered her lips to his chest, much of his skin spared from the flames that had consumed other parts of his body. He shuddered at her touch as his lips parted with a low moan.

“Is it too much?” She studied his face for any discomfort. 

With eyes closed, he gently replied. “No, it’s...it’s not. I’ve wanted this...for so long.” He slowly raised his hands, relaxing his fingers and moving them towards the small of her back, drawing her towards him and finding her lips.

The kiss was hesitant at first, but she could feel him relax, pressing further into her mouth, probing her lips with his tongue, making circular motions as if imagining what it would be like to taste her in the places she had so feverishly touched at his command.

She felt how hard he was against her thigh and wondered how long he could stay that way without release. She became bolder. “Peeta. You still haven’t shown me...everything.”

He was blushing, trying to slow his breathing and stay with her in the moment, his eyes closed, lids fluttering and his lips on the verge of responding.

"Peeta...Peeta, stay with me," she said firmly.

His blue eyes opened to meet her silver ones. He was still with her, so she smiled and asked him softly, “Can I touch you?”

As soon as he nodded, Katniss let her fingers dance along his torso and loosen the drawstring on his sleep pants, slowly pushing them over his hardened length. She gasped at seeing him for the first time, trying to contain her delight. Katniss met his eyes again, waiting for a nod to continue. He granted her permission, and she slowly wrapped her fingers around his firmness as he cried out, a pained look overtaking his expression. 

As he bucked against her, she whispered in his ear to calm him. “It’s okay. It’s me, Katniss. This is real.” She moved her fingers until they found his. “Let’s move over to the bed.”

Again, he nodded, kicking his pants aside, following her lead, and laying down next to her.

She grasped his length again, stroking him cautiously, watching him relax into her touch. “Peeta?”

“Mmm-hmm?”

“I’ve never done this before. Tell me if I'm doing something wrong.”

His eyes flew open to meet her vulnerable gaze. His Katniss, who was so skilled at everything she tried, wanted to make sure that she could master pleasuring him.

Not trusting himself to speak, Peeta put his hand over her smaller one but then hesitated, anticipating pain from some external force. Nothing bad happened.  _It's okay. I'm okay_ , he told himself and then showed her with steady motions how to touch him.  _More pressure, more speed...yes, like that._

Katniss was starting to gain confidence as his moans grew louder. She moved her hand to make pointed circles at the head of his erection. 

Peeta’s mind wandered back to his suite in the penthouse of the training building, the night after Katniss had attacked him for sharing his crush live on the air with Caesar. God, how he had wanted to feel her rage all over him that night. He remembered locking the door to his room and stripping his clothes off, throwing himself onto the silken sheets of his bed, and thrashing about as he stroked himself, not caring who heard him. 

Now she was here with him, and it wasn’t anything like he had imagined. What would he have done back then if Katniss had come to him, ready to give herself to him? He would have been just as nervous, just as awkward. But this...this meant so much more to him now, having lived through unimaginable circumstances and finding his way back to her. Peeta looked at Katniss with raw desire, his gaze traveling down her delicate throat to the pink lacy bra. He licked his lips.

"Katniss...can I...can I touch you?"

Her heart soared, and her lips began to tremble. Incapable of words, she nodded eagerly.

He turned his attention toward her flushed breasts, and slowly, with deliberate concentration, unfastened the fairly intricate bra. Peeta pushed his thumbs beneath the straps and lowered the garment until the dark pink of her nipples was exposed. Pulling the fabric down, just as he had fantasized before, Peeta cupped each of her breasts and passed his thumbs slowly over them, relishing in the sensation of her nipples stiffening against his touch. 

Katniss drew in a sensuous breath and pulled the bra over her arms, tossing it across the room and arching her back, wanting him to see all of her. 

She was watching him closely, and when she was certain he was alright, she closed her eyes to soak in every flick of his finger and every caress. His hungry breathing and the way his hips began to move back and forth as she continued massaging his length only made her want him more.

He moved one of his hands to grasp hers and looked longingly into her eyes. “I’ve never done this before either. Show me...where?”

Katniss squeezed his hand to reassure him. “Alright. But first, I want you to feel the effect you have on me.” She led his fingers between her legs to the fabric of her soaked panties. This realization sent a shudder through him, and she pleaded in his ear. “Take them off?”

Without hesitating, Peeta pulled the panties down her slender legs, getting a thrill from the squealing sound she made. Quickly, because he couldn’t wait any longer, Peeta moved his fingers over her wetness, watching the wave of pleasure pass over her face as he felt himself on the edge of coming. He continued massaging the hood of her clit, finding that tiny bundle of nerves that seemed to drive her over the edge.

“Katniss...you feel so good. I’m close, I’m so close now...but you...I want to...”

“It’s okay. We’ve had plenty of time to focus on me. I want you to let go...” She was torn between rhapsody, concern for his well being, and determination to see him through this, hopeful that he could overcome the demons that had been plaguing him.

Peeta felt everything swirling around them as moments they had spent together flashed before his eyes - the two of them huddled together in the cave and on the beach, clinging to each other in the sewers, and holding each other when they reunited in the Victors Village. She was always there for him. _Always._

Peeta couldn’t hold back any longer, and he let go, climaxing harder than he ever had before. But then he suddenly withdrew from Katniss, pushing her away, squeezing his eyes shut, and tensing his body. Curled up in the fetal position, Peeta began cursing and crying and awaiting the electrical jolt that had so often accompanied this activity when he  was being tortured. 

He waited some more, trembling in anticipation of the pain and the cold sinister eyes of the two orderlies, dressed in bright white, who would taunt him and throw a rag at him. _Clean yourself up, mutt!_

But there was no pain...no yelling...no tears. Peeta slowly opened his eyes to the warmth of the bedroom and the glow from the lamp on the dresser instead of grey walls and sterile fluorescent lights. He noticed the curtains around the window moving with the breeze. 

The most important thing though was what he heard. Katniss was softly humming a familiar tune. He turned back to her and fell into her open arms. She continued humming, stroking his face, his back, kissing his hair, and telling him that he was safe.

He looked into her beautiful and kind eyes, seeing nothing but love. He pulled Katniss into his arms, gripping her tightly and running his hands over her soft skin to make sure she was real.

Welcoming her soothing kisses, Peeta felt many things in that moment, but he was mostly feeling grateful that she was willing to fight so hard for his happiness.

He smiled at her, stroking her cheek. “Your turn.”

Peeta always worried so much about her, but Katniss could tell he was emotionally and physically spent, nearly on the brink of collapsing.

“That can wait. I don’t think there’s anything that will give me more pleasure than sleeping in your arms tonight. Just like this.”


End file.
